January 2012
2 posts
cornlog: (Note: I might exaggerate a bit to make a... →
cornlog:
(Note: I might exaggerate a bit to make a point)
My wife is a superb cook & a regular MacGyver in the kitchen. She can make something out of almost any combination of ingredients which is good because we often have weird random shit in the kitchen. Just the other day all we had were rotting…
I don’t often ‘lol’, but the grains of truth in here got me.
It’s supposed to last me til Valentine’s candy I believe? @AnaGasteyer Does Halloween candy have an expiration date?
November 2011
1 post
Our whole weekend was planned based on when our Groupons are expiring. this is normal, right? #addicted2deals
October 2011
8 posts
Guess its back to blistex in eye. (ew! Who figures this out?) RT @nytimes D.E.A. Bans Chemicals Used in ‘Bath Salts’ http://t.co/GJaRe4zI
when I read, “the quake was actually centered directly beneath UC Berkeley’s campus” thought maybe I was reading The Onion News, but not!
I got to sleep in til 7:30 & now have bacon crumbs, rather than just crackers, in my bed cause it’s my birthday. jealous, I know.
wow, true! @parker287 The 11th hour on11th day of the 11th month, 1918 is when WWI ended. 11-11-11 is also when new Sandler movie comes out.
Lula went from compulsively having to pull EVERY tissue out of the box, to now using one, and putting it back in. #progress?
was so excited to get iCould going, til I found out it only uses outlook. um, I don’t think so, apple… way to try & screw the PC user.
Wow. Nick Swardson’s Pretend Time song “baby not from booty” was a little too good, catchy even. Was that @DirtNasty contributing perhaps?
September 2011
9 posts
kids are so far gone, we put on gumby and called it a day. #weirdmovie #atleastitsGrated
Kinda excruciating day emotionally, but a great hair day, so guess it’s even.
RT @TheOnion: Natural Childbirth: How Morally Superior Does It Make You? http://t.co/JF9M0ni #OnionMorality
In that noman’s land right now: too late in day for coffee (3:30 cut off in order to fall asleep tonight) & too early for a real drink #help
“oh no, Lula, that’s the wrong kind of marker!” a sharpie. not to mention the ‘pad’ of paper was a checkbook. #kidsgotstyle
Eyeroll disapprovingly to uncensored: RT @cornlog Anorexia is that thing where you’re all skinny & hot, right? What’s the problem with that?
RT @chinspired: No loving God would create our stomachs to not tell our brains about food that was in it for 20 minutes. That’s the clum …
2 tags
Whoa, instead of h2o, zumba teacher was drinking ice coffee. Looks like I’m not in yoga anymore, toto. #beafraid #zumba
August 2011
12 posts
Just reread some of my own tweets & thought, ‘unfollow!’… #fail
I might love this too much? Streaking on Weather Channel http://t.co/Gey18GT #giggles
RT @jasonmustian: More like Steve No Longer Has A Jobs. HI-5!
RT @HutchMartin: I like to think I made all of my spam bot followers laugh.
RT @EJThorndyke: i love babysitting the spawn of @cornlog and @SamNLulasMa. always fun and entertaining. #saturdaynight #loraxbecrazy
Holy cow - West Memphis Three are free! finally released TODAY! such amazing news after way too long… http://t.co/xjEfGB1 #WM3
RT @pattonoswalt: West Memphis 3 get surprise hearing. LET THEM GO ALREADY, ARKANSAS: http://t.co/tMTKtvl
RT @Boymeeetsworld: I always feel dumb when I call my missing cell phone to locate it, then get excited to see that I have a missed call.
why is twitter just now adding a ‘photo’ button? funny how the actual twitter has fewer functions than all the apps relying on it. #lame
As it turns out, I’m pretty sure everyone’s crazy. Alrighty then! #metoo
It wasn’t a dream if I have pics to prove @SamGrittner Was real! Another nice guy. *sigh* http://twitpic.com/5zb6v9
RT @cinnamon_tam: B told 3 yr old boy at local splash pool to back off & stop thugging up our 22 month old. Kid told him to ‘suck his di …
July 2011
14 posts
Awesome! You’ll sleep so well tonight :) yes, sam is excited for sky scrapers. Lula pretty clueless, but fun in the moment with oos & ahhs.
“Can I marry lula when I grow up?” “No, she’s your sister. You can’t marry family.” “Can I marry you?” what, I’m not family?
“Ya know Sam, it would be better if you wore underwear.” #overheard after dinner #justthefacts
Here’s hoping the family that itches together, stays together…
things @parker287 & @robertb285 don’t want u to know: they’re both very generous & kind hearted. There, I said it. #truth
RT @BettyLies Thinking of starting a PSA for parents of young children “Soon enough they’ll make their own damned breakfast. It gets better”
Yay! RT @parker287 Don’t smoke grasshoppers, they’re a gateway bug.
Pretty sure I forgot something because I’m not holding more than I can carry. #travelwithoutkids
ran out of room to say #needadrink
RT @chinspired “Oh shit, that’s not funny, that’s just talkative sadness.” -me, after 20% of the jokes I write. // beats my 50% ;)
thank god I realized the only way to adequately wrap my leftover pizza with the too small foil I already tore off was to eat more pizza.
RT @EliBraden If kid crying in the middle of the night doesn’t wake wife up, my exaggerated fake snore usually will // dad #truth revealed!
I always wanted to be the fun Ernie, but probably am more an uptight Bert. #sesamestreet
And I wonder why we have crumbs in the bed. #lapsnacks http://twitpic.com/5jjpkh
June 2011
11 posts
RT @robdelaney: Thanks to all who came to see me @jonwurster, Mac from @superchunk & JD from @mountain_goats at @catscradleNC tonight! B …
Aw yeah I did it! I’m a Weight Watchers lifetime member now! Suck it, fat clothes! #22
Tired of people saying they don’t get twitter. Duh, it’s just 140 character attempts to get affirmations from strangers you call ‘friends’.
RT @JustineCanDoIt: what we say to kids matters early on! http://fb.me/10wPyqPdc